Willy Wonka

This is a comparison between Craig David's Whats your Flava video and Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. Evidence why Craig David is a super genius copy cat...


In Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, Willy Wonka put secret golden tickets in some of his candy bars, for lucky children to find and get invited to his house for some fun(apparently Michael Jackson got his ideas from this movie too)


In Craig David's Video, Craig David hides 4 golden CDs in his new album, so adolescent girls would buy more of his CDs(instead of downloading and deleting his songs), in a hope to revive his plummeting album sales.


In Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, Willy Wonka opens his gates and welcomes them into his house, dressed like an idiot.


In Craig David's Video, Craig David opens his gates and welcomes them into his house, dressed like an idiot.


In Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, Willy Wonka brings all his guests on a tour of his chocolate factory.


In Craig David's Video, Craig David makes the girls sit down and listen to him sing songs from his new album.


In Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, Willy Wonka takes his guests on a boat ride on a raging river of chocolate.


In Craig David's Video, Craig David ALSO takes the girls on a boat ride.....

Through a tunnel displaying all his music videos.. and if the girls want to ever get in his pants, they had better like what they see...


In Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, Willy Wonka makes the guests listen to his Oompa Lumpa Whatevera's singing.


In Craig David's Video, Craig David makes the girls listen to him sing.


In Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, Theres a guy thats more interested in Willy's chocolate river than Willy Wonka's nuts(Thats alotta nuts!)


In Craig David's Video, Theres a girl thats more interested in Craig's moneys than Craig's nuts(and he aint happy)


In Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, Theres a boy thats more interested in getting on TV than playing with Willy.


In Craig David's Video, Theres a girl thats more interested in getting on TV than playing with Craig.


In Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, theres a girl thats more interested in squirrels and nuts than Willy himself.


In Craig David's Video, theres a girl thats more interested in Craig's nuts than Craig himself.


In Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, Willy picks one child to ride with him in his Computer Graphics Glass Elevator. He then gets a lifetime supply of chocolate.


In Craig David's Video, Craig picks one girl to ride with him in his Computer Graphics Glass Elevator. He then gives her a lifetime supply of free Craig David song downloads from the apple store online.


So, we now have to answer the ultimate question. Who came first? Craig David or Willy Wonka? Choices choices... Its up to you to decide.. But one thing's for sure.. Both of them are queer...

Movie Review : Stealth

We all have seen the movie trailer many many times...
We all have seen that there was a ring of fire in the sky sometime in the movie...
We all know that a ring of fire in the sky is retarded...
We all expected the movie to be too powerful to comprehend...
We all were not disappointed...

Synopsis:
The movie is about 3 actors acting as pilots, who fly stealth planes generated by nerdy computer graphics designers. They were later joined by a 4th pilot, who turns out to be a computer shaped like a basketball(Keanu Reeves was first drafted to play the role of the 4th pilot, but the Director figured a computer aeroplane would be much cheaper and yet have more acting skills than Keanu).

All the other pilots are jealous of Mr Computer Plane because he had more neon lights than all of their handphones combined(plus he could download songs from the internet and not get caught). Soon Mr Computer gets hit by lightning and goes crazy, killing lots of stuff. But there is a twist to the movie. The ending is so shocking, it would leave you thinking :"Sooooo?? Thennnnn?? Fuck it, Lets go eat prata".


The most dangerous stunts in the movie were performed by the computer programmers themselves, without the assistance of any stuntmen whatsoever. Programming day and night at the risk of wrist and neck pains, the programmers worked hard to create hours of computer generated flight scenes of planes flying here...


Planes flying there...



Planes flying everywhere...


I feel, the only drawback of this movie, is its lack of hot babes, an absolute must in all generic hollywood movies. Of course theres Jessica Biel, but why Jessica Biel when u can have Jessica Alba?

Jessica Biel


Jessica Alba


Jessica Biel


Jessica Alba


Need I say more?
In fact, if Jessica Alba was in this movie, she would be one of the few actress' who had 3 movies consecutively playing in the theatres. 3 is a good number.. 3 is a prime number... The 3 musketeers... The 3 Stooges... The 3 Bilnd Mice... The 3 idiots who starred in "Stealth"...


Of course, I cannot forget the highlight of this movie,
THE RING OF MOTHERFUCKING FIRE...


Woosh!!!!



In the sky!!!!


Now that... is Hollywood...

If you only need one reason to watch Stealth, this is it.
But remember, only watch it at Empress, or you'll have $2.50 more reason to beat yourself about...

DAFANSU gives this movie 4 out of 5 Potatoes...

Album Review - Crazy Frog : Crazy Hits

Axel F, Crazy Frog's flagship song has taken the UK Charts by storm, beating less deserving artists like Coldplay to the number 1 spot on the chart for many weeks(not counting).

Taking other artist's songs and adding random irritating sounds like "ding ding" and "bhem bhem", he has created a whole new soundtrack exactly like the older one, just much more painful.

A once boring but catchy song, Axel F was originally the theme song for Beverly Hills Cop The Movie, which aired many decades ago. The song was a hit by itself, but for some reason, it had no soul. It had no lyrics. The Crazy Frog solved that by adding some sentimental, yet powerful lyrics to it.

The new Axel F, done by Crazy Frog, goes like this..
Lyrics :
A ring a ding a ding ding ding bumm baba
Wat wat wattts goin on on
Ding ding
I am the crazy frog
Ding ding
Bhem bhem ring ding ding ding ding
Ring ring bim ding ding ding

I used to love Axel F when I was young(I actually bought the CD to test out my new Stereo System years ago... So naturally, this Crazy Frog version just blew me away.

The entire album, which consists of 16 songs(including the intro), are also remixes of older techno songs with "ding ding"s and "ring ring"s added in. Its a good buy... Go get it...

If for some sick reason, you decide that The Crazy Frog is THE hottest thing of the century and you absolutely(against all hopes of sanity) HAVE to create a shrine dedicated to the Crazy Frog, dont worry... There are tonnes of Crazy Frog memorabilia avalable on Ebay for whatever fools who would soon be parted from their moneys.





Be warned, that playing Crazy Frog's album in your car while driving may result in your car driving offroad and in to some interesting topographical feature.


Dafansu gives this album 5 non-chinese speaking potatoes

Movie Review : Initial D

Background Info:
Jay Chow, like all other singers who's acting is as bad as their singing, decides to make his first ever movie. With his huge fanbase of adolescent girls, theres bound to be someone who would actually watch it, no matter how shitty a job he does.

Synopsis:
Tofu seller's son, Jay Chow(I can't remember his on-screen name) is damn good at racing. Many professional racers challenge him and end up losing, as Jay is the star of the show and they are not.
In the end, Jay finds out that his girl is a whore and sulks about it.

Like most other Singer-Turned-Actors, Jay does a damn good job at conveying his emotions onscreen.

Here are some examples...


Jay in his car, deep in thought


Jay still in his car, deep in thought


Jay somewhere else, deep in thought


Jay choking on pau, deep in thought

Another character worth mentioning is Anne Suzuki, who plays Jay's bitch in the movie. She is the closest(and only) thing that comes close to a "babe" in the movie. To show you just how hot she is, heres a Voyeuristic shot of her from behind the cinema seat.


Now, some of you may think that Jay's acting skills are abit sub-standard(you are not alone). But they are not. They are in fact, comparable to 2 of the industry's leading actors, Steven Seagal and Jet Li. In the following comparison, you can see all 3 of them using the same facial expressions for

Angry...


Suspicious...


and Happy...


This means that Jay has got it right on his first movie.. Nice work Jay!

MPAA Rating:
R-30(Only 30years old and above) - Reckless driving is something the government does not condone, they don't want the impressionable younglings drifting(or at least trying to) around every corner.(besides, insurance is cheaper after 30 years of age)

Genre:
Comedy

Appeals to:
Young Adolescent Schoolgirls and gays who like emotionless men.

Rating:
DAFANSUREVIEWS refuses to rate this show, as we are incredibly biased against Singers-Turned-Actors-And-Sucking-At-It.
But we believe a picture says more than words ever will...

The Masturbating Monkey in the car(proton), after watching Initial D.